The Myth of the “Right” Way: What I’ve Learned About Motherhood from Women Around the World

Ever felt judged for a parenting decision? A passing comment, a sideways glance, an unsolicited opinion that makes you question yourself? If so, you’re not alone. Judgment is woven into the fabric of modern motherhood—whispers in playgrounds, debates in online forums, expectations that shift depending on who you’re standing next to.

But here’s what I’ve learned after years of studying how women make decisions in pregnancy and motherhood—working with governments, WHO, UNICEF, and speaking with mothers from Uganda to Switzerland: there is no single “right” way.

Motherhood Never Looks the Same

Every mother’s choices are shaped by the world around her. What seems obvious in one place is unthinkable in another. What’s a “best practice” in one country is impossible in another. The way we parent is not just personal—it is cultural, structural, and deeply tied to the resources and support we do (or don’t) have.

I’ve sat with mothers in Uganda who carry their babies wrapped against their bodies, moving through daily life with their infants close. I’ve spoken with mothers in Switzerland who enjoy months of paid leave, allowing them to ease into motherhood without the pressure of immediate return to work. I’ve worked with women in the U.S. navigating childbirth and postpartum with minimal support, making impossible decisions between feeding their baby and keeping their job.

What I’ve seen—over and over—is that mothers aren’t choosing in a vacuum.

They are choosing based on what is available to them. Based on what their culture deems normal or necessary. Based on the support (or lack of it) that surrounds them.

The Judgment That Hurts Us All

And yet, despite all these differences, judgment remains universal. Mothers everywhere feel it. The weight of expectation. The impossible standards. The fear that no matter what choice they make, it will be the wrong one in someone’s eyes.

We hear it in the breastfeeding vs. formula debates. In sleep training vs. co-sleeping arguments. In the working mom vs. stay-at-home mom tensions.

But when we zoom out—when we see how motherhood shifts across cultures, economies, and histories—one truth becomes undeniable: there is no universal “best” way. Only the best way a mother can choose in the moment she is in, with what she knows and what she has.

So What Do We Do With This?

We soften. We hold space for complexity. We recognize that most mothers—ourselves included—are doing the best they can, with the information and support available to them.

And we start asking different questions. Instead of “Is she doing it the right way?” we ask:

• What does she have access to?

• What pressures is she facing?

• How can we create more support, so all mothers have real choices instead of impossible ones?

Because in the end, the goal of motherhood is not to win. It’s not to prove that one way is superior to another. The goal is to raise our children in love, in connection, in a world where mothers are seen—not just for their choices, but for their humanity.

So next time you find yourself doubting your own decisions—or judging another mother for hers—pause. Remember that no mother is choosing in a vacuum. Remember that you are doing the best you can, and so is she.