The Art of Becoming: Life with Newborn Twins and a Toddler

Bringing home newborn twins while a toddler already runs the show is an initiation into a new version of yourself. It is both an unraveling and a rebuilding, a lesson in surrender and resilience. It stretches the limits of love, patience, and selfhood, forcing you to embrace a paradox: the more you let go of control, the steadier you feel.

The transition isn’t just logistical—it’s existential. Who you were before children is no longer who you are now, and even the version of you from one child ago is evolving. In the chaos of feeding, rocking, and soothing, you are also being shaped, moment by moment. And in the midst of it all, here’s what I’ve learned:

✔️ Organize Help—It’s Essential, Not Optional We are not meant to mother in isolation. Letting others step in isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a recognition of our interdependence. The meals, the hands to hold a baby, the friend who folds your laundry—this is what community looks like in action. Accept it, lean into it, and know that needing help is not failing; it’s human.

✔️ Share the Joy—And the Responsibility There’s something profound about sharing these early, raw days. Inviting others into both the beautiful and the difficult moments not only lightens the load but also deepens connection. We often think we must hold everything ourselves, but joy, like love, expands when it is shared. And yes, also, so you can sleep. Priorities.

✔️ Forget Perfection—Embrace ‘Good Enough’ Perfection is a mirage, always shifting just beyond reach. The idea that we must have it all together, that every moment must be curated, is a burden we do not have to carry. Some days will feel impossibly hard, and that is normal. What matters is not flawless execution but presence. ‘Good enough’ is not settling—it’s understanding that you are already enough.

✔️ Get Outside—It’s an Instant Reset The world shrinks in the newborn haze, yet nature always offers perspective. A 20-minute walk is more than just movement; it is a reminder that time is still flowing, that you exist beyond the four walls of your home. Even in exhaustion, fresh air can be a gentle tether to yourself.

✔️ Actually Call a Friend—Scrolling Won’t Fix the Isolation In a world saturated with online connection, the simple act of hearing a familiar voice is profoundly grounding. Social media gives us glimpses of other people’s lives, but true connection happens in real conversation. A stroller chat, a shared moment of honesty—these things remind us that we are not alone.

✔️ Plan Something Just for You—Because You Matter Too It is easy to disappear into the needs of others, to believe that self-sacrifice is the only way. But small acts of self-recognition—10 minutes with a book, a favorite song, a cup of coffee in solitude—are declarations of your continued existence. You are still here, still a person beyond motherhood, and that matters.

Motherhood is not about achieving balance; it is about learning to live within the imbalance, to find beauty in the imperfection. Some days will break you open, and some will piece you back together. Through it all, know this: you are not merely surviving. You are becoming.