Motherhood Feels Harder Than It Should—And It’s Not Your Fault

Does motherhood ever feel harder than it should be? Like you’re carrying the weight of everything on your shoulders, holding it all together while somehow still feeling like you’re not doing enough?

You’re not imagining it—modern motherhood is harder.

As a mom of three little ones born within three years and as a maternal mental health expert, I’ve seen how today’s mothers are expected to do it all: raise kids, build careers, manage households, and somehow keep it all together. We’re told to show up fully in every role—at work, in relationships, in personal growth—but not let motherhood “show up” anywhere it’s inconvenient. Not in our careers, not in our social lives, not even in our workouts. We’re expected to mother as if we don’t have jobs and work as if we don’t have children.

And when we struggle? The world tells us to try harder, to be more organized, to practice “self-care” as if a bubble bath will fix a fundamentally broken system.

It’s Not You—It’s the System

Here’s the truth: it’s not you that’s failing; it’s the system that’s failing to support you.

Most of us are mothering without the community support that previous generations had. We don’t live in multigenerational homes where care is naturally shared. Many of us don’t have paid parental leave, affordable childcare, or workplaces that actually accommodate the realities of raising kids. And yet, we’re still expected to keep up—to be productive, ambitious, and “balanced,” all while navigating an increasingly isolating version of motherhood.

If you’ve ever wondered why it feels so hard, why you feel stretched thin no matter how much you plan, organize, or optimize, this is why.

So What Can We Do?

The good news? There are ways to lighten the load—but it starts with rethinking what motherhood can look like.

1. Let Go of the “Do It All” Myth

You don’t have to be everything to everyone, all the time. Delegating, asking for help, and setting boundaries aren’t failures—they’re survival skills. Give yourself permission to not be the sole problem-solver of your household.

2. Find (or Build) Your Support System

If you don’t have a built-in village, create one. Even small acts—asking a neighbor for help, forming a meal swap with friends, joining a local parenting group—can make a difference. You were never meant to do this alone.

3. Let Motherhood Show Up

Your kids are part of your life, not a separate thing you have to manage behind the scenes. If you’re a working mom, advocate for realistic policies. If you’re feeling stretched in friendships, seek out people who understand. Let go of the pressure to “hide” motherhood to make others comfortable.

4. Give Yourself the Grace You Deserve

You are not failing. You are navigating a system that was never built to support you properly. The fact that you’re showing up—however imperfectly—is proof of your strength.

Redefining Motherhood, Together

The world wasn’t designed to make modern motherhood easy. But change starts when we stop blaming ourselves and start demanding better—for us and for the mothers who come next.

So if you feel like motherhood is heavier than it should be, know this: you are not alone. You are not failing. And you don’t have to carry it all by yourself. 💛