I researched how pregnant women make decisions while I was pregnant: here is what I learned.

It was late December when I stood in a dimly lit hotel bathroom in Rotterdam, holding a pregnancy test that confirmed my life was about to change forever. My husband and I celebrated with a slice of Dutch apple pie, both of us quiet, overwhelmed, and cautiously ecstatic. As we walked the city’s cobblestone streets, the enormity of what was happening settled over me.

This wasn’t just the start of my motherhood journey—it was the moment my professional life as a maternal health researcher collided with my personal reality. I had spent years studying how pregnant women navigate decisions in complex systems, and now, I was living the experience myself. Spoiler alert: all that expertise doesn’t make the decisions any less nerve-wracking when you’re the one with a baby on board.

A Quiet Revolution Inside

Pregnancy is wild. Your body is busy growing a human, and your brain is quietly rewiring itself to get you ready for motherhood. Hormones surge, emotions flare, and everything feels heightened. It’s like your body is saying, “You’re about to level up, so hold tight—it’s going to be a ride.”

I thought my research had prepared me for the flood of choices—prenatal tests, birth plans, baby gear—but the reality hit differently. It wasn’t just about making decisions; it was about making them in a system that felt impersonal and cold. Doctors were kind but focused on the measurable: my weight, blood pressure, and the baby’s heartbeat. The emotional side? That was my problem to figure out.

One doctor’s words during a research interview echo in my mind: “We’re trained to manage risks, not feelings.” Cool, cool, cool. Nothing like hearing your very real fears and anxieties described as an inconvenient side effect of pregnancy.

Research Meets Reality

The more I tried to navigate the system, the more I saw the cracks I’d been studying for years. Decisions that should feel empowering often felt overwhelming. Why does everything—from genetic testing to epidural plans—feel like a pop quiz you didn’t study for?

Meanwhile, the world around me kept asking me to “carry on as normal.” Work meetings, social obligations, the usual hustle—it all expected me to act like growing a human was a casual side project. But my body had other ideas. I spent more time eating crackers and clutching my stomach than crushing deadlines.

And then there’s the emotional rollercoaster no one warns you about. I’d cry at random commercials, freak out about whether I’d be a good mom, and feel a deep loneliness in the spaces where community and connection should have been. Pregnancy turned out to be as much about navigating emotions as it was about navigating decisions.

What I Learned (and What Needs to Change)

If you’re pregnant, you don’t need a lecture about how “hard but worth it” this time is. What we do need—what I needed—is a system that supports us emotionally as much as it does physically.

• Healthcare needs to see the whole person. Your feelings matter as much as your vitals. Let’s normalize providers asking, “How are you really feeling?” and actually sticking around for the answer.

• Community care isn’t optional—it’s essential. Bring back the village! No, really. Whether it’s meal trains, support groups, or even just a friend who shows up with snacks and empathy, it all helps.

• Pregnancy shouldn’t feel like a solo mission. Workplaces, family systems, and cultural expectations need to catch up. We’re creating life, not running a marathon alone.

  
  

From the Trenches

Looking back, I realize that pregnancy was more than a phase; it was a transformation. It reshaped not just my body but my identity. And yes, it kicked my professional ego to the curb more than once.

To every pregnant woman out there, whether you’re googling baby names at 3 a.m. or crying into your third bowl of cereal for reasons you can’t explain, know this: you’re not alone. The system might feel cold, but you’re part of something ancient, powerful, and deeply human.

We deserve better than a world that treats us as cases to manage. Let’s demand care that sees us fully—messy emotions, complicated decisions, and all. Because if there’s one thing I learned, it’s that pregnancy doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be held.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go reassure my olders son that he’s the result of some very questionable snack choices.